Michael Vick and I have something in common

Today, you will learn a political management technique that many high-powered politicians and top-notch athletes like Michael Vick understand instinctively:

Killing a dog is sometimes a good business decision.

Once you understand this important business lesson, you will begin to understand why your principled elected leaders campaign on specific issues and then SELL YOU UP THE RIVER the first chance they get.

It's not because they really are sellouts, or hypocrites or two-faced lying SOBs. They may well be those things, but that's not why they are selling you out.

The reason they sell you out is simple: it's because they don't want me to pay a visit to their house and kill their dog. But more on that later.



It's also because they understand the "big picture."

Do you? I doubt it.

So let me give you a "furexample":

For example, suppose Bob Smith runs for school board on the promise that he will slash the school's football program and use the money for higher quality education.

When he gets elected and the time comes for a vote, he gets a phone call from a guy we'll call "Angry George," the party leader, and this is the conversation:

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Bob: Hello?

Angry George: Hi. Great job running that single-issue campaign and getting elected.

Bob: Why thank you. You know, Angry George, I am so glad you recognize the importance of this...

Angry George: Shut up.

Bob: ...issue...excuse me?

Angry George: This is what you will do: you will vote in favor of the Junior High Football Team because they need that new, performance enhancing, 97.3% steroid-free nutrition-shake machine in the locker room.

Bob: But Angry George, I ran opposed to such frivolous spending.

Angry George: You will vote in favor of the football program, or I will come over to your house at 8744 Maple Grove tonight and kill your dog.

Bob (feigning shock): WHAT??!?

Angry George: Moron, I know you want to run for Mayor of Jerkwater in two years. And if you want to have your stupid dog pose with you in the campaign literature, you'll vote for the steroid-shake machine. Are you starting to smell what I'm cooking?

Bob: You did say 'mayor' right?

Angry George: I did.

Bob: I noticed those junior high kids looked a little scrawny. I suppose I didn't realize during the campaign just how overmatched our community has been against those other schools. It's a tragedy waiting to happen. And the scoreboard is so inadequate for their poor parents... those families need a JumboTron!

Angry George: Indeed they do.


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As you can see from the example, killing dogs and buying off politicians are useful skills to have in a party leader's repertoire. Another important thing to understand is that "principles are malleable."

"Malleable" is a 50-cent word which means "for sale."

So next time your favorite Congressman goes to Washington filled with righteousness and principled ideas, and he comes back with $650,000 in his campaign war chest, you'll know instinctively that he probably has a family dog.



Keep this important lesson in mind as we continue to dive deeper into the rabbit hole that is Hamilton County Politics. We have many exciting adventures ahead.

Oh, and for you animal lovers out there, I've never actually killed anyone's dog.

With my bare hands.

Sincerely,

George Vincent
email me at:
angrygeorge@gmail.com