Ever since Pat DeWine decided to act like a conservative on this jail tax, Simon Leis has been flapping his dentures as though anyone in this town actually gives a flying crap what he says.
No, wait a minute. I'm giving that sack of bones too much credit. Last time I checked, real lawmen didn't write sissy letters and send them through "intermediaries" and leak the story to the local paper.
Real lawmen don't whine and cry about not having enough "jailspace" for crystal meth addicts and gay crack whores.
I'm going to tell you what a real lawman would do. But first, I'm getting ahead of myself...since this is the first rant on my new website, I should probably explain what this is all about.
As the greatest and most respected leader in the history of the Hamilton County Republican Party, I was repulsed by the ass-kicking we got last November, largely due to the fact that the candidates we put up last year sucked like a girlfriend I had back in law school. The picture to the left is a perfect illustration of what happened.So I've decided it's time to take the gloves off and bitch-slap some people around here.
Which brings me to my original point:
I will stomp Simon Leis's colon. I will do it without hesitation the very next time I see him because he's not a real lawman.
A real, Republican lawman would call up Pat DeWine, and this is how the conversation would go:
Pat DeWine: Hello?
Real Lawman: Shut up.
Pat DeWine: Er... ah...
Real Lawman: I hate criminals, crack whores and drug dealers, and I want them locked in jail.
Pat DeWine: OK, how can I help?
Real Lawman: You can shut your mouth and listen, or you can get donkey-punched.
Pat DeWine: OK.
Real Lawman: I'm going to come to the next Commissioner's meeting and punch you in the face if either of those Democrats so much as talk about raising taxes for a new jail.
Pat DeWine: But don't you want money for a new jail?
Real Lawman: No, idiot. I just want a BIGGER jail.
Pat DeWine: Sounds good. How do we get one?
Real Lawman: That's your problem. I'm the sheriff. Now slash spending on someone else's budget and pay for it before I come over there and take a crap on your face.
*Click*
Now THAT'S leadership, and we need more of it around here.
Sincerely,
George Vincent
E-mail me at:
angrygeorge@gmail.com
7 comments:
I don't really think this is appropriate behavior for the leader of the Hamilton County Republicans.
Dear Edward,
Who really cares what you think. I am a part owner of the Cincinnati Reds. You are a part owner of a 1992 Ford Tempo. Suck on it.
Sincerely,
Angry George
Hey George, thanks a lot for your help in stopping the Democratic tax increase. It must have been tough to..............sit on your ass and do absolutely nothing. Thanks for your support.
Dear anonymous,
Your use of the focus-group phrase "Democratic tax increase" seems to indicate that you are a tool of my own design. I paid for the focus group that came up with that phrase, using money that fell out of my pockets when I was fumbling for the keys to my Jaguar.
Which brings me to my second point: up yours.
Sincerely,
Angry George
Dear George:
If more Republicans had this attitude, the Democrats "Dream Team" of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barbra Boxer, Diane Feinstine, Caroline McCarthy, would cower in the doorways of the US Capitol building.
Like they should.
Keep up the good work.
Dear Gun Brandisher,
Congratulations, you've just earned the Hamilton County GOP nomination for the 2nd Congressional District.
Sincerely,
Angry George
Stop ripping off Maddox, you're not funny.
Post a Comment